Don’t Get MAD Get Wise
Anytime you sense irritation, frustration or anger coming, be aware, and you will notice you are waging war on one of three fronts; with the past, with another person/s or with yourself. You are at war with the past because your anger is always towards something that has already happened and your emotional reaction means you are trying to change it. Which is impossible. To the rest of the world it looks as if you believe you can. That’s because you hold this belief subconsciously. Somewhere and sometime in the past you have picked up and assimilated the belief that the world, including all other people, should do exactly what you want them to, or what you think they should do. You are at war with another person because they have done something which you judge to be wrong and your anger is an attempt to change them or inflict revenge. Perhaps you have not yet realised it is impossible to control and make others change. The habit of anger is so deep that this truth, which will eventually become self evident, has not yet killed the root of the illusion within you that anger is good. Even the worst dictators do not control other people. People make their own decisions and control their own actions, always. Certainly they can be influenced but they cannot be controlled. Nelson Mandela’s 27 years of exile reminds us that while they controlled the location of his body they could do nothing with his state of mind. Hence his ability to walk away from such an experience without even a whiff of a desire for revenge in his heart or his eyes. Notice how this one attribute alone, this ability to forgive, almost qualified him to be the defacto leader of the world. It’s as if we intuitively acknowledge that the individual who has freed themselves from all anger and dissolved any thoughts of revenge has earned our respect and deepest admiration as we pin the badge of greatness on them.You are at war with yourself because you are failing to make the world dance to your tune, or you believe you have let yourself down. Have you ever sat in a restaurant waiting for your meal, only to discover forty minutes later, that your order was forgotten or lost. You get upset, but with whom? Perhaps the waiter at first, but then with yourself, for failing to ask after five minutes. There are two failures here. First you failed to speak sooner. Second, you failed to control your emotions. Although you might not verbally admit you failed, inside you know. And so you start to beat yourself up. Be aware the next time you become angry, interrupt the pattern of your anger by asking yourself two simple questions: What am I trying to do? Answer; you are trying to control what you cannot control (past and people). Who is suffering first and most? Answer; yourself! And if your anger is directed at yourself for your own seeming failure then repeat this short phrase, “There is no such thing as failure only a different outcome from the one that I expected”. And if you insist on staying angry then ask yourself the question, “How long is my anger going to last”? You’ll be surprised how fast it disappears. Question: In which of the above ways do you ‘go to war’ most frequently?Reflection: What is it that you want but feel has been, or is being, denied?Action: Make peace with the situation or person that is triggering your anger then make permanent peace with yourself !
Source: (Extracted from the book Don’t Get MAD Get Wise by Mike George/2006)
